well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
