when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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