So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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