I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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