Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize