I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize