so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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