No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
