something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its liver damage thursday
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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