Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
