Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there's paper in my vomit.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
