my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
