People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
