Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
