okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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