if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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