I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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