i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
