He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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