Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
