he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
