i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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