I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
