my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
two words: eviction party
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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