So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
