you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
