I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
