Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Randomize
