Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
