I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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