I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
