You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
