Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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