mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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