plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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