i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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