you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
