The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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