Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
