If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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