i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
