i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
People in love make me want to vomit
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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