Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize