We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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