I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
