ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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