Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize