I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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