I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
