Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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