Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
