Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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