Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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