i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
