he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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