I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
