Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
