I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
