You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
