her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
