Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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