This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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