No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
