sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
a search helicopter?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you had me at cake vodka
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
